


Just two Brooklyn boys

by Captain_Angst



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Complicated Relationships, Depression, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Identity Issues, M/M, Other, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Transgender Steve Rogers, Transgender Tony Stark, Trigger Warnings, trans!Steve Rogers - Freeform, trans!Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2018-07-18 12:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7315828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Angst/pseuds/Captain_Angst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven Grant Rogers didn’t exist until June 22, 1943. Before that he was just Stephanie. How did he get here? With Bucky’s support and an extreme stroke of luck. Now as the “Man out of time”; he holds the government’s greatest secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here comes another Transgender Steve Rogers fic. I honestly think we need more of them. A few things I want to say: Steve binds in a very unsafe manner. I do not condone this, or recognize it as an okay to bind. Please bind safely. There will be much more to come. And it will be the emotional roller coaster that I am known for. There may be some triggering content for those who struggle with gender. So, if you're ready, keep reading. Please comment, it's nice to know how you react.

Just two Brooklyn boys

The year was 1937, and it was early May. Stephanie Grace laid in her bed, sighing softly as the sun filtered in through the thin curtains. It was another sleepless night, something stirring in her mind that didn’t let her sleep. She was sure it was going to kill her. She couldn’t sleep, she had lost her appetite and yet she forced herself to eat. She couldn’t let that food go to waste, not after how hard they worked to even get it on the table. She was tired all of the time, though that seemed to be the norm. She was weak, her body aching. And yet… there were new pains. Pains in her heart, in her soul. Something hasn’t been right for years now, and she couldn’t figure it out. All she knew was that she hated herself, and it was going to kill her. 

"Good Mornin’, Stephanie.” Her mother whispered, kissing her on the head. She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sudden presence in the room. She opened her eyes wincing slightly. “Mornin’, Ma.” She mumbled. She had to get up and wash up before she went to the diner for work. 

“Oatmeal is on the table for you.” Sarah said, closing the door behind her. She could be heard shuffling around in the apartment before she left for the hospital. Stephanie pulled herself out of bed, her body feeling like lead. 

She made her way to the small bathroom, washing her face. Stephanie took a moment to stare at herself. Her eyes looked empty, even now when she was alone. Her skin too pale, hair too long for her liking. What she would do to have a men’s haircut- the thought just felt right whenever it would wander into her mind. Her eyelashes felt too long, her lips too full, too rosy. Nothing…nothing about her really felt right. At all. She looked down at herself, her nightgown swallowing up her thin body. The slight swell of her breasts could be seen as she looked down, and nausea stirred in her gut. 

She pressed them down with her hands, huffing softly. As she looked at herself from the side, something washed over her. It felt… right? Then she saw the first aid kit was still open and sitting under the sink where she had left it. Reaching down she took one of the bandage rolls. What… what if she could use that to keep her breasts down? Would that make the feeling of being right stay? She stripped out of her nightgown and started to unroll it. Her mouth twitched into an uncertain frown. But… it couldn’t hurt to try, could it? Stephanie pressed her breasts so it was flat, holding the end in place. It was harder than she realized, wrapping her own chest. But she tried. It feel too tight, but the more she did the better it looked. When the roll ran out she tied it off and looked back into the mirror. Wow… She sucked in a small gasp, seeing her reflection. 

Her slight frame looked even better without the small swells of her breasts. It… She couldn’t even describe the surprising feeling that overcame her. Biting her lip, she smiled. A small excited laugh filled the small bathroom. Stephanie ran her hands up and down her sides. They looked smooth, and she was thankful for her lack of curves. But when she turned to the side… She felt even better. She was flat, and smooth. And even with the tight, almost uncomfortable feeling, she felt confident and comfortable. She didn’t care what the reasoning behind it was. Not right now at least. She just wanted to relish in the feeling. It was the best she had felt in weeks. 

She walked back into her bedroom, grabbing the blue and white uniform dress she had to wear. And, looking down at her body with the bandage and her breasts hidden… she couldn’t have felt more giddy. An overwhelming wave of this is right made her head swim and her knees weak. She quickly finished getting ready for work, slipping into her shoes and quickly styling her hair. She couldn’t be late again. The last thing they needed was her losing the job. It would put too much pressure on Ma, and she couldn’t live with that. Ma already did so much for her. 

She took the bowl of oatmeal, finishing it in a few large bites. She grabbed her coat last, scurrying out the door. It was a four block walk to the diner, and she needed to book-it. It was a nice week weather wise for Brooklyn. So much so that it was too hot for Stephanie to even put on the coat. She had a moment of regret because she knew she would just have to carry it around with her all day. She stopped, not even a block and a half from her house when there was a sharp pain in her side. She sighed, bending so she could support herself on her knees. That kind of pain didn’t normally happen unless she was running. But it was gone soon enough. 

She stood up, brushing it off as nothing. She needed to get to work, she couldn’t keep stopping for every ache and pain. If that were the case she would never leave her bed. As she kept walking, she found it a little more of a struggle to breath. It was probably just her asthma, it was the start of allergy season after all. She made a mental note not to push herself too hard at work today. 

When she finally got to work, she was two minutes early. It wasn’t much, but at least she wasn’t late. She went into the back, hanging her coat up on the set of hooks. She grabbed an apron and smiled at her co-worker. “Hi, Mary. How are you today?” She asked, fastening the apron around her skinny hips. 

“I’m fine. Will and I are doing alright. Little Dottie is growing up quickly, though.” She chuckled, taking some of the dirty dishes to be washed. Stephanie smiled, shaking her head at that. Poor Mary had to work because William didn’t make enough on his own. That meant that she couldn’t see her little girl as much as she wanted too. Stephanie was just glad little Dottie had her Grandma to take care of her during the day. 

“Well, I’m glad to hear she’s doing alright.” Stephanie said. She walked out, tucking a pen behind her ear. She put a pad of order slips in her pocket and waved at the cook. “Well, let’s get goin’.” She mumbled to herself. 

It was a mad rush as noon rolled around. Stephanie could barely keep up with the orders at the counters and the ones in her section of booths. She was carrying a malt milkshake over to a little girl and her dad when she felt a sharp pain shoot across her entire chest. She crumpled, the malt spilling all over her apron and skirt. “Oh-no.” She huffed. It was hard to breath, the pain making it difficult to suck air in. She had to take a few shallow breaths before she could stand up straight. “I’m so sorry, honey. Let me get you another.” She said, voice tight. 

She walked quickly to make another one. The pain hadn’t subsided, and it was obvious. Her breathing was labored, and her face was twisted in pain. “Oh, Stephanie, baby. Go home, I’ll tell Mr. Wats that you got hurt and had to go home. He’ll understand. Go get cleaned up.” Mary said, pushing her out of the way so she could make the drink.

Stephanie sighed, taking off the soiled apron. She threw it in with the dirty towels to be washed. She walked into the bathroom, splashing some water on her face. She felt so dizzy, so sore and weak. She felt like she was going to vomit, and she really hoped that she wasn’t coming down with another bug. She didn’t need that right now. 

She took another few minutes, waiting for those feelings to pass. She took a towel, trying to work what has spilled onto her skirt out. Whatever she couldn’t get out she promised herself that she would get them out as soon as she got home. She couldn’t let those set in. She let out a long sigh, her lungs protesting. 

I wanna go see Bucky...She thought, standing up in the little bathroom. The room seemed to spin, and she steadied herself on the sink quickly. No, I need to see Bucky…  
\---  
Ten blocks and Stephanie was just approaching the docks to meet Bucky after his shift. Normally they would meet for a late lunch, but Stephanie was almost an hour early. All she could smell was the malt and it was making her feel sick. Hell, she was surprised she could even walk with how terrible she felt. It felt like she needed to stop every other step because her vision started to go black around the edges. She shuffled along, more focused on meeting Bucky. 

“Hey there, Babydoll! What’s a little lady like you doing down here?” Another man called. Stephanie couldn’t even be bothered with the bastard today. Normally she would chew his ear off about treating a lady right. But not today, she didn’t have the energy today. 

The brunette came up, wrapping his arms around his gal, picking her up. “Hey, Babydoll.” He said, kissing her cheek. He chuckled, setting her back down but keeping his arms around her. “You smell like Malt.” 

“Yeah, I know, I know…” She said, breath coming out in small huffs. She just couldn’t catch it, and her knees were starting to feel weak. 

“Oh, No. What’s wrong? I can’t pick you up like that without some kind of lashing. And you normally yell at Thomas whenever he even tried to call at you. You feeling okay, sweetheart?” He asked, pressing his hand to Stephanie’s forehead. “Awe, Stevie, you’re sweating like a pig. You get another fever?” 

Stephanie shook her head, everything in her body protesting at the motion. Her vision swam again before she went limp, falling into Bucky’s open arms.  
\-------  
When Stephanie woke up she was back in the apartment she shared with her mother. Bucky was sitting on the edge of the bed, pressing a cool damp cloth to her forehead. She blinked up at him, recognizing the frown already on his face. 

“Don’t-“ She started. 

“What the hell, Stevie?” Bucky interrupted. “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling sick? If you didn’t wake up soon I was gonna call your Ma.” Bucky said, sitting back to give her some room. His voice sounded scared, and desperate. Stevie knew he was just worried about her, but sometimes she hated that he loved her so much.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to give me that look. And you really don’t need to call Ma.” She insisted, sitting up. She winced when a tighter pain seemed to shoot right to her heart. Her face twisted horribly from the pain and she fell back against the bed. “Ah-” It took her a minute to process why her chest could be feeling like this. Was it her heart? Oh god- if it was her heart she wasn’t sure if there was anything that could be done. She knew she had a weak one- Then she remembered the bandage around her chest. “I need you to take my shirt off.” She said, ignoring the fact that her cheeks felt like they were catching on fire at the inclination behind her words. 

“Wh- Excuse me?” Bucky asked, a light flush rising to his cheeks. He looked at her in utter disbelief. He had to have heard her wrong. They hadn’t done anything more than kissing. Bucky knew Stevie deserved better than that. She was the kind of girl you waited until she was ready. What the hell could have brought that on?

“Don’t gape at me like a fish. You heard what I said, Barnes.” Stephanie said, pushing herself up on her elbows again. Bucky reached out, ignoring the fact that his hands were trembling as he undid the buttons of her dress. When the fabric parted, the bandages were exposed. 

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Stevie, what happened? Did you get in another fight-“ He started, pulling her shirt back more to get a better look at her chest. 

“No. I didn’t get in a fight. No, I ain’t hurt. And no, I’m not lying to you…” She said, hiding behind the hair that had fallen into her face. She grimaced again, holding this position just made it more uncomfortable. “I…I was trying something different and I guess I didn’t do it right…” She mumbled, not meeting his eyes. 

“What were you trying?” He asked, frowning. This was why she had passed out on him? It made sense… They looked so tight, it was a surprise that she could even breath, considering her asthma liked to act up this time of the year. But why were these even wrapped around her like this?

“Just help me get them off.” She said, holding her chest up off the bed. It was going to mean touching- it was going to mean seeing… And she really didn’t want that to happen. But it just hurt too much to leave them on like this. Bucky nodded, his face settling into a serious frown. His undid the small knot that was holding the end of it in place, and started the process of unbinding Stephanie’s breasts. 

This was just a terrible idea… but it felt so right. Was it so wrong that seeing a flat chest made me happy? To see a chest as flat as a man’s made-… made sense. ‘Like a man’s’ why do I have to think like that? Stephanie gasped once the bandages were loose enough, sucking in a few deep breathes. It felt like pins and needles, but she needed to take a big gulp of air. “Thanks…” She whispered. There was a flush from the tips of her ears down to her chest. Bucky kept unwrapping though, wanting to get that thing completely off his Stevie. When it was done, he turned his head, giving her a small resemblance of privacy, even though he did see. He wouldn’t say, and he would deny it as long as she needed him to. 

“So. What were you thinking when you did this?” He asked, looking at the bundle of bandages in his hands. Stephanie was holding her dress to her chest, buttoning it up. 

“I…” She laid back on the bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling, Buck. I would tell you if I did… But, I can’t even explain it to myself.” She admitted, closing her eyes. Her throat felt so tight with emotion. Worse than when she was in the middle of a fit. Could she even get the words out to try to explain it? Did she even want to bring those thoughts of hatred toward her body up to Bucky? What would he think of her? How would he react if she said ‘I just want to get rid of my breasts. It’s not that big of a deal, Buck’? A small sob slipped, and she quickly covered her mouth with her hand. 

Bucky’s head quickly turned toward Stevie at the sound. No. Don’t do that, please. He thought, reaching to pull her hand away from her face. “Stevie… baby, you can talk to me. You know that right?” He breathed, heart breaking at the thought that something was tearing up his baby so bad inside that she couldn’t tell him.

“I- I can’t,” She choked out. She turned on her side, ignoring the physical pain in her chest, it just blended with the pain she felt every night. Tears were trickling down her face, falling over the bridge of her nose onto the pillow. 

“Why not?” He asked gently, rubbing her back softly. He wanted to pull her close, but Stevie seemed like she was trying to get away from him. 

“I-I’m scared what you’ll think.” With those words it felt like Bucky stopped breathing. Scared was not a word you heard when it came to Stephanie Grace. She pushed aside any fear and took on fights Bucky wouldn’t even try. So… hearing that she was scared of him… It was like a sucker punch. 

“Stevie…” He laid down on the bed, pulling her so her back was firmly against his chest. “You listen here, okay? There is not a single thing in the world you could say to me that would ever make me want to leave you. I ain’t going anywhere. I’m with you ‘til the end of the line after all…” He whispered into her shoulder. “You never have to be scared of me… I love you too damn much.” Bucky felt his eyes start burning with tears too, it was getting harder to speak. “So please… please, baby. Talk to me.” 

Stevie was shaking with sobs at this point, and it hurt. Everything about this hurt. She felt so much guilt because she was putting Bucky through this. But… God, he loved her so much. She would never want to lose him. She couldn’t do this without him. It was a long time until Stephanie calmed down enough to speak. 

“I… I just don’t like how I am, Buck… I hate everything about me. About how I look, about how I feel. I- I think I’m starting to go crazy…” She bit her lip, thankful that she didn’t have to look at him while she told him. She felt his arms tighten around her, and she laced her fingers with his. ‘Til the end of the line… “I… I wrapped that bandage around my chest because- because I wanted my chest to be flat. I don’t want breasts, I hate looking at them and they make me feel sick everytime I see them.” She breathed. The admission felt like a loaded gun. This was the moment she dreaded. She held her breath, waiting to see if Bucky pulled away from her. 

He pressed his face into the back of her neck, planting a gentle kiss to her hairline. “I… I don’t understand, Stevie. Why don’t you like them?” Bucky was confused. What did she mean she didn’t like them? They made her feel sick? “Sweetheart, you ain’t crazy.” He whispered, placing another kiss. 

“I… want to be flat like a man.” And there they were. The words that felt right earlier today. She felt so weak now, vulnerable. She had a death grip on Bucky’s hands without even realizing. And her whole body was trembling. It was too much, it was all just too much. 

“Like...'like a man'?” Bucky asked. He blinked for a moment, trying to wrap his head around the idea. Stevie wanted to look like a man? Why? She was so beautiful… He was quiet for a long time, holding her close. Thinking what the hell she could have meant. There was only one question that seemed to fit. Bucky had been working down at the docks long enough that he heard stories from other men. About these queers that dressed as women. 

“Do you want to be a man, Stevie?” He asked, breathing it right into her ear. 

“Maybe.” Was her quiet reply.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky sat up, looking down at Stephanie. His brows knit together, confusion very evident on his face. His chest felt tight. One simple word made his stomach plummet. _Maybe._ His… His sweetheart, his gal, his sweet Stevie. She wanted to be a boy. He ran a hand over his face, looking away from her. What the hell was he supposed to do? He ain’t a queer. His Stephanie couldn’t be a queer either… What did that mean for them? Were they done? Bucky wouldn’t be able to handle that. He loved her to damn much. But this… He couldn’t deal with this. It was too dangerous. This was too damn risky, Stevie would get herself killed. Bucky exhaled shakily as panic gripped him.

“Buck-?” She asked, sitting up to look at him hesitantly. Her hands were shaking. She felt numb. He didn’t look happy, and she was having a hard time reading him. She shouldn’t have told him. She should have just kept it to herself. Dealt with it, push all those feelings down like she’s been doing for so long now. They didn’t matter. She was a girl, she had to be a girl. No matter what her heart told her… no matter how much it hurt to pretend each day. No matter how much it was killing her. She reached out to place a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. _He flinched away._

“Stevie- don’t.” He said, standing up. Bucky started to pace, not knowing where to look. It felt like his world was suddenly put on it’s head. “What the hell do you mean ‘maybe’?” He asked, trying not to raise his voice. He wasn’t angry- that wasn’t the right word. His head was starting to ache. His voice was pinched and tight with fear and confusion.

Stevie sat there, picking at her fingers. She couldn’t look up at him. “Well… I mean you asked it-” She mumbled.

“You didn’t have to say yes!” He shot back, stopping where he stood, whirling around to face her. Stephanie was the one to flinch this time. She set her jaw, glaring up at Bucky through tears. She could hear her heartbeat ringing in her ears, her fists clenching in his lap.

“No. But you were the one to ask what’s been going on with me. And that’s it! I wanna be a boy, Buck.” She sobbed, standing up. She was pushing down her fear, facing Bucky and trying to stand up for herself. “I know it ain’t right. Don’t you think I know that?! I don’t wanna be a queer but I am! I’m a boy inside, Bucky. I am! No matter what my bo-” Bucky’s hand whipped out and covered her mouth.

“ _Stephanie Grace._ ” He hissed, looking at her with desperate eyes. She had never seen that type of animalistic fear in someone before. “You listen to me- you don’t mean that. You don’t mean any of that. You’re probably sick again- it’s just a fever talkin’” He rambled, quickly feeling her forehead. Stephanie shoved him off of her.

“I mean it, Buck! Don’t try to tell me I’m crazy. I’m scared that I am and I can’t take it any more. I can’t…” Her voice died off from screaming to a soft whisper. Her knees gave out and she knelt on the ground, sobbing. Her whole body shaking with the force of her desperate heartbroken sobs. Her breath started to rasp, getting wheezy with an oncoming attack. She didn’t care right now. Part of her wanted it to happen. Some part of her deep down wanted the air to get sucked from her lungs and never come back.

“Stevie… calm down.” Bucky said, kneeling beside her. He cupped her tear stained face in his hands, trying to brush them away. “Sweetie… Stephanie… You can’t be a boy. You’re my sweet girl-”

Stephanie shoved him away again, this time hard enough to knock him on his ass. “Get out.” She hissed.

“What? Stephanie-”

“Get out!!” She could barely yell. She punched him in the shoulder, trying to get him away from her. “Getoutgetoutgetout.” Her breathing couldn’t handle it anymore. She felt like her throat had closed up, and she crumpled into herself, still sobbing.

Bucky frowned, tears in his own eyes. He sniffled, getting up slowly as silent tears trickled down his cheeks. She never acted like this before. He’s never seen her cry this hard. Hell, he rarely ever saw his baby cry at all. He walked and got her medicine, setting it beside her on the floor. His heart felt like it was breaking, but he listened. He stopped at her bedroom door, looking at her broken form on the floor.

“I love you…” He whispered before walking out.

\--------

Stephanie stayed like that, sobbing until her throat was raw. Her eyes hurt, her soul ached, her body was stiff and sore from staying curled up on the floor for as long as she did. She didn’t even know what time it was… It had to be getting late, and the last thing she needed right now was for her Ma to come home and find her like this. She forced herself to get up.

Her legs shook and wobbled, feeling numb from lack of use. She braced herself on the bed, looking down at herself. Her skirt was still a mess and now her uniform was wrinkled and dirty from laying on the floor. The bandages were laying in a crumpled ball at her feet. Something sour and _rancid_ churned in her at the sight. They had started all of this. She bent down, scooping them up and threw them right in the trash with a desperate whine of anger. This had to be a bad dream.

But… as Stephanie settled on her bed to watch the world grow dark outside; she realized that it wasn’t a dream. It was harsh reality. Bucky knew. _Someone knew._ She covered her mouth with her hands and fought hard against the wave of fresh tears. Bucky knew and he didn’t like it. She knew that was going to be the case but something- _something_ \- in her wished that it wouldn’t be true. Bucky was different. Bucky was better- He was the best thing to ever happen to her and now that he knew he was probably gone. What if he told someone? What if they came after her? She let out a ragged sob that was more like a dry heave.

Bucky… Bucky wouldn’t do that. Bucky said he loved her- But did that change now that he knew she was a queer? It was the end of them. Something in her gut told her that. Stephanie felt cold and alone. It was like she was drowning in ice water and she couldn’t get out. No matter how hard she banged against the layer of ice on top no one could hear her. No one could see her to save her… No. No that wasn’t right. _No one could see him to save him. No one could see the boy she knew was there deep inside. He was drowning and dragging her down with him._

\-----

Stephanie took the next day off. She needed it to get all of her head on straight, even though they also needed the money. It was just safe to assume that Bucky was out of her life now. She didn’t have a man to love and support her. She didn’t have a best friend. She only had her mother and herself, and that was it. She cleaned the apartment, making sure her day off wasn’t a complete waste. It was going to be a nice surprise for Ma when she came home. As she tried to dust the living room her mind kept wandering to thoughts of Bucky…

James Buchanan  Barnes… The cockiest, most charming son of a bitch she had ever met. She didn’t even know when it happened, but sometime after they became friends as children she fell in love with him. Bucky didn’t treat her the way the other boys did. Bucky didn’t treat her like she was fragile and she couldn’t play the same games they played because she was a girl. It was the first time anyone had treated her like that.

And then he was just always there. He was there when she got out of school, waiting to play ball. He was there when she got into little scrapes with other boys, offering a hand up or a fist to the other kid’s face. She hated that he tried to fight her battles, but it was so reassuring to have someone else on your side.

James Barnes was her first kiss. It was the fourth of July 1932, Stevie was twelve and they had snuck away to get a better view of the fireworks. It was dark and just the two of them together. All that could be heard was the pop and crackle of fireworks and their laughter from where they were hidden in a small grouping of trees. Stevie remembered glancing at Bucky from the corner of her eye to see him staring at her. She turned to ask him if something was on her face and the next thing she knew he was cupping her cheeks in shaking hands and kissing her clumsily. Thier noses bumped and it was over as quickly as it was there. He just mumbled a quick ‘Happy Birthday’ before turning back to the fireworks. It was the best kiss she had ever had.

The memory made Stevie’s heart flutter. She sat down on the corner of the couch, closing her eyes. If she focused hard enough she could still see the color on his cheeks when he pulled away. She could feel his clammy hand taking hers as they watched the sparks in the sky.

Stephanie opened her eyes to look down at her hands. There was no one there holding it. That was five years ago. It was hard to believe that they had been dating for five years. They were always getting asked when they were getting married and they would just look at each other and laugh nervously. It wasn’t going to happen now, though. Bucky was probably never coming back. Five years spent together with someone everyday… She wiped at her eyes and stood up again. It was going to be hard without him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I want to thank you for reading and for the patience in my posting. I would just like to encourage you to comment and review please. It makes my day when I see someone give feedback on what I write. Thank you all very much, please enjoy this chapter.

May moved on into June and Stephanie hadn’t heard from Bucky. Each day chipped away at something inside her. Her Ma had started to ask where he had went, but Stephanie knew she was only asking because Sarah knew something bad had happened between them. It was her quiet way of asking if Stevie was alright. 

_ “So, How is James doing?” She would ask as they sat together before Sarah had to leave for night shifts in the TB ward. Stevie would just shrug her shoulders as she sketched in her book. _

_ “I don’t know, I haven’t seen him in a few days.” She would reply without looking up at her mother. Sarah would just hum and go back to her knitting. _

June 13th was supposed to be just like any Sunday, but something was wrong. Stephanie never woke up before he mother when they were going to church. And it was unlike Sarah to ever skip Church. She walked over to her mother’s bedroom door and knocked. “Ma?”   
  
She opened the door, walking in. Her mother was asleep, a small waste basket beside her bed. Stevie found it odd because she had never noticed it before. A quick glance at it had struck fear straight to her core. The tissues in it had blood on them. _No. Nonononono! It couldn’t be._

She turned to her mother, shaking her shoulder. “Ma, are you okay? Come on, wake up-” Sarah wasn’t responding. She became frantic, screaming her mother’s name, shaking her and holding her close because- She was gone.”Why didn’t you tell me?!” She sobbed, pressing her face into Sarah’s chest. “M-ma. We could have- we could have done something… why didn’t you tell me you were sick why didn’t you..!” She couldn’t breathe enough to speak anymore between sobs. She just rocked there on the bed holding her mother close. “I love you.” She barely breathed as she kissed her forehead and stroked her hair.

The neighbors were poking their heads out into the hallway, wondering what all the racket was about. Mrs. Bryne, the widow from next door, came into their apartment and pulled Stevie off her mother, holding her as she broke down. Sarah Rogers was gone.

\------------------------------

The funeral was small, barely anything could be done. Mrs. Bryne helped a lot, having had to do this for her husband recently… but Stephanie felt so lost. She didn’t know if she would be able to hold onto the apartment, most of her rent money went toward the service. Living alone would be so hard- She wasn’t sure what her second option would be. There wasn’t anyone else she could turn to. Her mother was an only child, they didn’t talk to her father’s family. 

“Stephanie.” came a voice from behind her. She turned and saw Mrs. Barnes, her arms open for a hug. Stephanie quickly stepped into it, clinging close to the woman who was almost a second mother to her. She choked back the tears, gritting her teeth until her head hurt. 

“What- What are you doing here?” She asked, wiping at her eyes as she pulled back from the embrace. Mrs. Barnes frowned at her, tears in her own eyes. 

“You really think we wouldn’t be here for you?” She asked, shaking her head almost as if she was disappointed in Stephanie for even thinking like that. Her small smile gave her away though. 

“‘We’?” Stephanie asked, looking over Mrs. Barnes shoulder. A little ways behind her was Bucky, standing there in his nice suit, hair slicked back and hands in his pocket. He looked out of place…

“I don’t know what happened with you two, but I think it can hold off for today, sweetie.” Mrs. Barnes whispered to her. “Bucky was just as heart broken as I was when we heard about Sarah… but his first thought was to run to you- I told him to wait, let you have your space first. Grief is an ugly thing.” She smoothed her hands over Stephanie’s shoulders.

“Thank you…” Stevie mumbled. 

“I want you to come home with us. I have food for you to take home. He was helping me cook all night last night. I don’t need you getting any thinner than you already are, dear.” 

Stephanie chuckled softly. “Is it safe to eat something he cooked?” She asked, and Mrs. Barnes laughed. 

“That’s the spirit, dear.”

\-----------------------------------------

She had gone home with the Barnes, just like Mrs. Barnes insisted. The food smelled amazing, and even though Stephanie didn’t have it in her to eat she ended up finishing the heaping plate that was placed in front of her. Mrs. Barnes had gone into the living room to set up the radio for the nightly shows. Stevie stayed in the kitchen so she could start to put the food away before Mrs. Barnes came back. It was the least she could do after all they had done for her today.   
  
“Stephanie…?” She turned around and saw Bucky leaning against the door frame. “Look-”   
  
“What? You’re talking to me now?” She whispered, voice low so they wouldn’t be overheard. She turned back around, unable to look at him. She was so _angry_ and she wanted to stay that way. If she looked at him… she would melt like she always did. 

He sighed heavily, walking over to her. “I want to talk to you. In private. Ma wants you to stay here tonight. I just need you to listen-” 

“Why should I listen when you didn’t?” She snapped, whirling around to glare at him. She could already feel the tears stinging her eyes. She felt so small compared to him; standing there with her wet fists clenched at her sides. He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders.

“I did listen!” He whispered at her. “I just- I didn’t know what to do, Stevie. How would you handle the girl you were gonna ask to marry telling you she wants to be a…” He trailed off, unable to say it. Stevie just stared at him with wide eyes. “What?” He asked after a long stunned silence. 

“You were going to propose to me?” She breathed. Bucky’s face fell and suddenly became very red as he took a step back. Stephanie’s stomach both filled with butterflies and dread.  _ He was going to propose. _

“I-” He hesitated and then gave up, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “Yes. I was just waiting for the right time… Your Ma helped me pick out a ring and everything. It’s in my sock drawer…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. The look he gave her said it all. Bucky was hurting just as much as she was but... Now that she knew how much she meant to him-  _ knowing how he really felt _ , she could understand his reaction. It still hurt but it made more sense. He was just as scared of losing her because of this- whatever it was. All the thoughts of that didn’t matter right now. Her feelings of being a boy, of all the disgust she felt for herself had disappeared in the shadow of grief.  

Bucky sighed, wiping at his eyes quickly as he looked away from her. “I… I don’t want to leave you. I’ve done a lot of thinking and I just want to know more. Okay, Stevie?” He looked at her then, pinning her with his eyes. Her jaw started to quiver and she took the few steps forward to close the distance between them. 

“I’m so sorry.” She sobbed into his chest. He instantly wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight. 

“Hush, babydoll. Not now. All this can wait, okay? We can talk about this later. I just want to be here for you…”  _ Just like your Ma wanted me to be.  _ He kissed the top of her head and blinked back his tears as she sobbed into him. Bucky rubbed her back, rocking them slightly. 

“If you want… you can sleep in my bed with me. Ma knows nothing will happen, and I don’t want you sleeping alone.” He whispered into her hair. She just nodded numbly, pulling back to wipe her cheeks. This was such a hard day… Her mother was gone and if felt like she didn’t have a home anymore. Yet, here was Bucky like always. After weeks of fear and doubt and anger he was still here for her when she needed him. He was her home, and it scared her to have to depend on him like that. She never wanted to depend on  _ anyone. _ Bucky was special. Bucky seemed to break all the right rules. 

“That sounds nice… I haven’t been able to sleep for a few days.” She laughed wetly. He brought his hand up, helping to wipe the tears from her face. 

“Yeah, I can tell. You aren’t looking so good, Stevie.” He mumbled. His brow was creased and she knew what he was thinking. He was worried all this stress was going to make her sick. It probably would, but she was going to fight tooth and nail against it. If she got sick she was probably going to lose her job. If she lost her job that she was going to be evicted. If she was evicted she had no idea what she was going to do and just thinking about it made her head spin and feel exhausted. She took in a shuddering breath, a fresh wave of tears coming on. 

“Come on, you stop that.” He smiled down at her, thumbs brushing under her eyes. Her heart melted because she just couldn’t  _ not _ love this man. “It might be a good idea for you to get some rest now… you look like you’re going to fall over.” 

She rolled her eyes at him. “You just want me in your bed, James Barnes.” It was so easy to fall back into their dynamic. Their level of friendship made everything so easy and even though she didn’t know exactly where they stood it was nice. It was what she needed right now. 

“Well, yeah. I have for awhile now but you don’t seem like the type.” He grinned down at her. 

“You’re right. I’m too good for you.” They stood there in the kitchen and shared a bright moment on the worst day of her life so far. This is why she needed him in her life. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, I just want to thank every one for reading and following this story. I hope you all enjoy this update. Please comment back and let me know how it's going.

Stephanie had changed out of her good dress clothes and into the older pair of pajamas Mrs. Barnes had let her borrow. She was bone tired and laying in Bucky’s bed was the best feeling in the world. The firm mattress and flat pillow didn’t even bother her. She pressed her face into his pillow and just let the scent wrap around her like a blanket. _Home._ That was all she could think. Even though she was so tired she just couldn’t find it in herself to sleep. It was unbelievably frustrating because she knew she needed sleep. When she did finally get some rest it didn’t seem like enough, so she would try to nap sometimes in the day- and they only left her feeling more tired. She sighed, rolling onto her back to stare up at Bucky’s ceiling. Her heart was aching, and the feeling had become so normal to her she didn’t think much of it anymore. That hollowed out feeling was starting to scare her, like nothing else would ever be able to replace that awful empty ache where her heart should be.

There was a quiet knock on the door. “You decent in there?” Bucky asked, there was the lightest playful edge to his voice.

“No.” She called back, biting her lip. “I’m as naked as a jaybird, come back later.”

She could hear him chuckle. “Too bad, I’m tired.” He said, opening the door. His heart skipped a beat. Stephanie was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. She was laying on her side facing him. Her cheeks were still all pink from the amount of crying they both did, and her golden hair was fanning out in small curls against his pillow. The soft pink of the night gown somehow made her look paler than normal and she was a beautiful doll in his bed. The slight curve of her body caught his eye but now wasn’t the time for that.

“You’re staring.” She whispered, a smug smile on her lips. _That_ was his Stephanie. He closed the door behind him and pushed his suspenders down his shoulders.

“Can you blame me?” He asked, unbuttoning his shirt. He had never been shy, not around his girl. He couldn’t count the number of times she had seen him change. And it wasn’t like he was shy about his body either. He knew he wasn’t anything special, but women seemed to like how he looked. Bucky hung his clothes on the chair in his room, folding his pants to sit them on the seat. He walked over to the bed and just hovered there for a moment.

“Should I get dressed or-” He started. Stevie just shifted over and opened the blankets for Bucky to get in.

“Just com’ere, Barnes.” She mumbled. He nodded, climbing into bed and shyly wrapping his arms around her. It was natural. Stephanie didn’t protest to the embrace, she actually pressed back against Bucky’s chest. He was a wall of warmth and comfort against her back.   
  
“So…” She started, placing her hand over his on her side. She gave his hand a small squeeze. “Are… were you serious? About the ring…” She asked. She felt Bucky stiffen. He just pressed his face into her shoulder, pulling her closer.   
  
“‘Course I was.” He mumbled against the soft lace collar of the nightgown. “And if you want to see the ring I can grab it for you-” He went to move but she held him in place by gripping his hand. He settled back against her.

“No… I mean- Please don’t move.” She turned around in his arms to face him. She never really felt small unless she was in Bucky’s arms, but then it didn’t matter. Bucky let her feel that way but he never _treated_ her like she was small and fragile like others tried. “If… would you take me back?” She chewed nervously on her bottom lip. Bucky stared at her confused.

“Sweetheart… As far as I’m concerned we never split. I’m still your fella and you’re my-” He dipped into brush his nose against her’s but stopped speaking suddenly, going silent. Stevie blinked up at him, confused and getting anxious.

“I’m your what?” Her voice shook.

“I guess you’re my fella, too…” Bucky whispered, looking down at her. She felt her heart stop in her chest. There was no way she heard him right. There was _no way_ Bucky could have said that. She knew her hearing was bad but Christ- “Will you quit gaping at me like a fish?” He mimicked her. Stevie burst into a fit of laughter.

“Really? Do you really mean that?” She asked, clutching at his arm. Bucky smiled and rolled her onto his chest.

“Yeah, I do… and- if you still wanted to wear that ring we could lie and-” Stephanie smacked him on the chest.

“No.” She said firmly. She could see the heartbreak on his face and she quickly continued. “You’re going to marry me and be a proper husband, James Barnes.” She smiled sadly. “It’s what Ma would have wanted.”

Bucky laughed breathlessly and kissed her. Stevie sighed and melted against him. Sure, she would have to be a _wife_ on paper but Bucky would call her ‘he.’ She could… he would let her be herself- No. No, that wasn’t right. Bucky would let him be _himself._ Stevie pulled back and laid her head on his chest. Bucky smiled and traced his fingers up and down her small back. He followed the little crooked path of her spine and tickled at the start of her lower back.  She laughed softly and smacked him on the shoulder.

“So… how would this work?” She asked softly. Bucky didn’t even open his eyes to look at her.

“Well, I figure that we would just get married like normal- I’ll take you out somewhere nice, propose to you properly.” He smirked and kissed the top of her head. “It… it will be the last dress you gotta wear. We can move somewhere where no one knows us- you can just be my roommate Steve.”

Bucky swallowed and looked down at the blonde on his chest. He traced the back of his fingers against the soft warm skin of her cheek. “We can cut your hair- sell your clothes and try to find some that actually fit you.” A small smiled tugged at the corner of his mouth but it was bittersweet. He was losing the girl he loved- but, was that really it? It would still be his Stevie, right? Even if they cut her hair and dressed her up like a proper fella- he would still be Bucky’s Stevie.

Stephanie could see the conflict in Bucky’s blue-grey eyes, even in the low light of the room. “Bucky…?” She asked softly. “Do you really-”

Bucky cut her off gently. “Of course I mean it, sweetheart. Now let’s get some sleep.” Bucky left off the part where his head was starting to pound from all of the racing thoughts about how everything would actually work. What the hell were they getting into? If anyone ever found out; they could both be killed. But, this wasn’t exactly the first time Stephanie Rogers had dragged him into one of these situations. Bucky had the feeling it wasn’t going to be the last either.


	5. Chapter 5

It was July 4th before Stephanie even knew it. The whole city was a buzz of red, white, and blue pride. Independence Day was the biggest holiday of the summer and it was also her 20th birthday. Work was closed for the day, which was a relief. Apparently the owners went out of town to spend some time with their extended family for the celebrations. Stevie had to move out of her mother’s apartment and was living with the Barnes’ temporarily. She didn’t want to overstay her welcome, even if Mrs. Barnes said she wasn’t causing any trouble.

 Stevie couldn’t help but feel like she was taking up space in that small household. Bucky’s three younger sisters shared the biggest bedroom in the house, Mrs. and Mr. Barnes had the second largest and Bucky took the smallest room. He didn’t really care because he was the only one in that bedroom and he would hopefully be out of the house soon, but now Stevie was living there too. She and Bucky shared his small bedroom. It was nice, getting to fall asleep in each other’s arms every night, constantly seeing each other, and getting used to living together was going to make it much easier for when they find an apartment of their own. But there were some downsides too, Stevie barely got any privacy in that house, with Mrs. Barnes always doting over her and Bucky’s three younger sisters always asking her to play with them and braid their hair and read them stories. It was really starting to wear her thin.

Stevie was still in bed, the morning sunlight creeping in through the small window in Bucky’s room. She slowly opened her eyes and blinked the sleep out of them. Bucky wasn’t in bed. She couldn’t remember if he said that he still had work today, with the holiday and everything. She pushed back the blankets and made her way to the kitchen.

“Happy Birthday!” A chorus of voices suddenly erupted. Stephanie nearly jumped out of her skin. Bucky just grinned from where he stood beside Mrs. Barnes, who was proudly holding a small cake.

“Happy Birthday, sweetie.” She said, setting the cake down on the kitchen table before rushing over to kiss Stephanie on the cheek. Stevie was a nice shade of pink from all of the attention, but she couldn’t stop smiling. This was her family. Becca rushed over and practically knocked Stevie over with an enthusiastic hug.

“Woah, Becca, don’t hurt the birthday girl-” Bucky said, catching Stevie so she wouldn’t fall. After the recent conversations Bucky felt kind of _wrong_ saying that. Stevie didn’t want to be a girl- He should stop calling her that- thinking of _him_ like _that_. At the same time though, it really couldn’t be avoided right now. His family didn’t know and Bucky wasn’t sure how his parents would handle the queerness of it all.

Stevie tried to ignore the pang in her chest she felt when Bucky said that. “Thanks everyone- it means so much to me.” She ruffled Becca’s hair.

“Will you be going to the parade with us, Stevie?” Becca asked, looking up at her with big brown eyes.

“Yeah, will you?” Patty asked, smiling from where she sat at the table with one of her books.

Stevie chuckled shyly. “You know I’m not great with crowds, gang. But, maybe, okay?” The girls giggled happily and nodded.

“Well, this cake will be here for before the parade. Mr. Barnes is out running some errands. And Bucky you were-” Mrs. Barnes started to explained.

“I needed to go talk to my boss about something. I’ll be back before the parade. Who knows, I might convince Stevie to go out after all.” Bucky shot a wink in Stevie’s direction before he pecked her on the cheek.

“Ewwww.” Becca teased. Bucky stuck his tongue out at her.

“You won’t be saying ‘ew’ when you find a fella someday.” Bucky shot back.

Becca shook her head. “I don’t want a fella. I don’t like boys.”

Stevie laughed. “You were going somewhere?” She said, bumping Bucky with her shoulder.

“Right! I’ll see you all later!” Bucky grinned as he walked out the door.

\---------------------

The house was empty, everyone was out at the parade and picnic-ing. Stevie had helped Mrs. Barnes pack a basket for a picnic and get the girls ready to go out. She insisted that she would be okay staying home alone.

_“You know the sun doesn’t get along with me.” She defended and Mrs. Barnes just nodded in agreement._

_“Yes, last year you did faint on us, we wouldn’t want that to happen again this year. We’ll bring you back some treats, Sweetie.”_

_Steve smiled. “Thanks, Mrs. Barnes.”_

She sat on the couch and just sketched quietly when she suddenly heard keys in the door. Bucky strode in, perking up when he saw Stevie was still home.

“Hey, Doll! Didn’t want to go out?”

“No offense, but I’m just glad to be away from your sisters… they wear me down.” Bucky plopped down next to her on the couch. He was slightly sweaty from the summer heat and his hair was curling against his forehead.

“Oh, I understand entirely.” He eyed Stevie from the side, a smirk plastered to his face. She just raised an eyebrow.

“What’s that look for?”

“Got a present for ya.”

“Buck. You didn’t have to get me anything special-” She was cut off by the brown paper bag he placed in her lap. Stevie gave it a little shake. Nothing rattled… that meant it wasn’t art supplies like last year. What could it be…? She took a deep breath and peeled the paper back. It was clothes-

It was second-hand men’s clothes. Her hand flew up to her mouth to muffle her sob. She held the off-white cotton shirt up and felt the softness of the worn material between her fingers. It would be a little big on her but she was a twig. Everything was big on her. She set it beside her on the couch and reached into the bag to see what else was waiting for her.

Tears blurred her vision. She pulled out a pair of slacks, the khaki color was perfect. There weren’t any holes or tears, and they already seemed to be hemmed for a shorter man. Her breath hitched. “Bucky-” She squeaked.

Bucky’s heart was a mess at the sight in front of him. He’s never seen Stevie so happy that she’s crying- and over something so small. “I know it’s nothing special or anything but-”

“‘Nothing special?’” She butt in. “ _Nothing special?_ Bucky! This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten…” She wiped her tears away, sniffling. Her smile was incandescent through the tears. She was glowing. Bucky pulled her in for a tight hug.

“Well… that’s only part one. I have a second part of this gift, but… you actually have to want it.” He rambled nervously. Bucky’s cheeks were red, and he knew it wasn’t from being out in the sun. He was scared what Stephanie was going to say to his idea.

“And what’s this idea of yours?” She asked. Her hands were shaking in her lap because of the nervous-excited energy.

“Well… I was thinking- since it’s a holiday and all. We could maybe… cut your hair. And I can take my new friend, Steven Rogers, out for the parade. Show him around the city.” Bucky was cupping her cheek. He was searching her face for any sign of doubt or fear. But… he didn’t find it. He watched her expression change from stunned disbelief to overwhelming joy as she started to cry again.

“Yes-” She wheezed between excited laughter. “Yes!”

“I need you to calm down for me, Sugar. Don’t want you jumping around while I cut your hair.”

“Please don’t mess it up.” She teased. Bucky swiped slow tears away with his thumb.

“You’ll be the handsomest man in the Big Apple.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Stephanie went into the bedroom with her new clothes and took a minute to gather herself. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Maybe-.... Maybe it was time to make that change. Stevie stared at herself in the mirror on the wall, taking in the person staring back at him. This… Stevie- this person wasn’t going to exist once he changed. It was bittersweet… Stevie- no. She needed to stop doing that. She, they-  _ He _ needed to get out of that habit. This is who he’s going to be now. Steven reached up and moved the hair from his face, trying to imagine what they would look like after Bucky cut his hair. And he… he couldn’t see it. He couldn’t see himself without the golden blonde curls around his face. He couldn’t actually see it and he was scared… He was scared he wasn’t going to like what he looked like with short hair. 

He set the clothes on the bed and stripped off his dress. Seeing them on the bed together, the dress and his new clothes, it was like he had to make a choice. Did he want to wait to embrace his future or did he want to leave this old identity behind him? He put a hand on each piece of clothing… A pale pink and white floral sundress, and the plain set of clothes that Bucky had so thoughtfully picked out. Steve stood there in his underthings, frozen in thought. 

There was a tug in the back of his mind. He was forgetting something important, but what- Steve’s eyes flashed to Bucky’s dresser. The ring. The wedding.  _ The last dress he would ever have to wear. _ He suddenly couldn’t breathe. He was going to be a blushing bride for a day and then- fuck. And then what? Bucky’s mom and family were going to be his then. Officially. He couldn’t ask Bucky to just leave them for his own selfish sake. They could always try to explain things but… would they understand?

And Bucky- what if Bucky decided that it was too much? He would marry Steve as a woman, would he still love him the same as a man? Was he asking too much? It felt like the room tilted on its axis and Stevie stumbled back a few steps. His- his head was swimming. Bucky was doing so much for him. He was doing so much more than Steve probably deserved. 

Stevie sighed heavily. It was like there was a weight pushing down on his form. He was suddenly exhausted and wanted to push the clothes to the side and crawl into bed. He couldn’t do that. Bucky was waiting outside for him- he was probably wondering what was taking so long. Stevie felt tears well up in the corners of her eyes. What was she doing? She couldn’t actually go out like that today! The last time she tried to wrap her chest she actually fainted. What if that happened again? What if someone saw through him and attacked them for being a bunch of queers? What if… what if she didn’t like it and she was just crazy?

Stevie sank down to the floor, his breathing quick. Fuck- FUCK. What if he liked it too much? What if Bucky left and he had no one to stand in his corner? These thoughts were overwhelming. They consumed him. They dragged him down. They were like leaden weights in his chest making it hard to breathe. His tears were hot against his cheeks. 

_ Knock. Knock. Knock. _

“Hey… Stevie? You don’t sound too good? What’s going on?” Bucky’s gentle worried tone sounded from the other side of the door. Stevie was torn from his thoughts by the tentative knocking. He hastily wiped his face. 

“J-Just having some trouble.” He called back. 

“Forget how to put pants on?” Bucky teased. His tone let Steve know that he was more worried than anything. He was just trying to lighten Steve’s mood. 

“Yeah, I got my arm stuck in them.” He laughed weakly. Bucky cracked the door open and poked his head in. He quickly turned to look back into the hall when he noticed that Stevie wasn’t dressed. 

“Shit, sorry-” 

“No… no it’s okay. Come here?” Steve asked, shifting so he could lean against the side of the bed. He was still sitting on the floor. Bucky didn’t hesitate after Steve gave him the okay. He came in and sat down beside his lover. 

“What’s goin’ on?” He asked. Bucky took Steve by the hand and laced their fingers together. Bucky was his anchor. 

“Just… I remembered the wedding. We should probably wait to cut my hair.” Steve mumbled. He was looking down at his twiggy legs. He heard Bucky sigh softly. 

“Is that all that’s going on?” Bucky squeezed his hand. Steve’s jaw started to quiver. He clenched it in a failed attempt to keep the tears at bay. “Shit- sweetheart-” Bucky pulled him in for a tight hug. 

“No. No- It’s not all but I don’t know…” He gulped in air. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me-”

“Nothing.” Bucky said firmly. Steve blinked, thrown by the response. 

“You… have you been paying attention? Buck, I’m a queer, I’m a…” 

“So am I. You think something is wrong with me?” Bucky tipped Steve’s face up, eyes searching again. Bucky needed to know. He wanted to know everything; he wanted to understand. He just wanted to help Steve be happy. 

“You ain’t a queer.” Steve snorted, pulling away from the embrace. 

“In 7th grade I kissed Mikey Sommers behind the candy shop. We swore never to tell anyone.” Bucky blurted. “If we weren’t going steady I probably would have gone to one of those underground queer joints to find someone.” 

Steve gaped at him. Bucky… Bucky was actually interested in fellas? “Holy shit…” Steve breathed. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“I… I guess you have a point.” Steve laughed weakly. Bucky wiped at the tears on his chin. 

“So come on, why don’t you explain things to me. When did you start feeling like a fella?” Bucky rubbed Steve’s shoulder. He kept the blonde close, wanting comfort. He hated seeing Steve upset, and this was just a hard time for them. 

“Few years ago, I guess… I never really felt right, but that’s when I started to think what it would be like if I were just a guy… It started to really feel right. I got scared. I didn’t want you to leave because I’m crazy-” 

“I don’t think you’re crazy.” Bucky whispered. His voice was tight. He pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead. “I would never leave you. Stevie, Steven… don’t you see how much I love you?” 

Steve nodded and continued past the lump in his throat. “I love you too. I just- I don’t want to let anyone down.” Bucky stole a kiss. Steve could never let him down. He was the most kind, most determined person he had ever met. He couldn’t stand to hear Steve talk himself down. 

“You won’t. I’m gonna help you.” He swore. Bucky swallowed and pulled away a little, just to get a better look at Stevie. It wouldn’t be so hard. The haircut, the clothes… He could pass as a boy. He already carried himself like one. Bucky chuckled. 

“Ya know… it all kinda makes sense now.” 

“What does?” 

“Why you were such a troublemaker. You were just doin’ what little boys do.” Steve snorted with laughter. 

“Yeah… yeah I guess you’re right.” He tucked a loose curl back behind his ear. “Do… you still want to take Steve out?” 

“Yeah. I’ll find you a hat, we can just put your hair in there.” Bucky winked at him. “Anything else you need to get ready?” 

Steve thought about it. Did he need anything else? He had the bandages for his chest with his clothes. 

“No, I think I’m good.” 

“Great! Now hurry up, we’re losing daylight.” Bucky helped Steve up before leaving him to get ready again. 


End file.
